Intentional Parenting

 

This class explored the personal, theological, social, and relational tools needed to be healthy parents, as well as offer practical advice and space for conversation towards the challenge of parenting the next generation.  

Jon and Annie Houghton:

Jon has served on Young Life staff for the last 20 years. He is currently the Regional Director for Young Life in Chicagoland, which includes leading a team of about 80 staff and hundreds of volunteers. He has a Masters of Arts in Theology from Fuller Seminary, which was formative in helping Jon hone his practice of turning orthodoxy (right thinking) into orthopraxy (right living). His chief passion is helping people, including parents, become all of who God created them to be.

Annie was the founding Dean of The Field School, a diverse, classical, Christian school currently serving over 200 students. She has a degree in Child and Adolescent Development, and has dedicated the past 20 years to thinking deeply about how to best care for the hearts, souls, and minds of children. Jon and Annie have four children, from 7-17 years old, and are still on the journey on how best to shepherd their hearts towards the full flourishing of who God made each of them to be.

 Class Outline:

Week 1 (1/23): intro week, getting to know each other, what they want out of it, commitments people are willing to make

Week 2 (1/30):  parenting out of a place of wholeness: knowing your own story

Week 3 (2/6): affect regulation for yourself and your child-before, during, and after big emotions.  

Week 4 (2/13): smooth and easy days: good authority and habit formation in elementary aged children part 1

Week 5 (2/20): Jill Gort speaks on: self regulation, and trauma informed care of kids and self

Week 6 (2/27): smooth and easy days: good authority and habit formation in elementary aged children part 2

Week 7 (3/6): parenting your adolescent part 1

Week 8 (3/13): parenting your adolescent part 2 

Week 9 (3/20):  building a purposeful family environment

 

Class Archive

Week One–Intro and Overview

 

Quick Note: This recording begins after the Guiding Scripture introduction that is noted on the Week One Handout

Additional Resources:

The Place we Find Ourselves Podcast hosted by Adam Young, LCSW, Mdiv

Podcast Episode: How Your Story Is Affecting Your Relationship With Your Children

Week Two–Parenting Out of a Place of Wholeness

Additional Resources:

Week Three – Affect Regulation

Additional Resources:

No Drama Discipline by Dan Siegel, M.D and Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D

“Harnessing Emotions” from Untangled by Lisa Damour, Ph.D

Week Four – Smooth and Easy Days Part 1

Habits of the Household by Justin Whitmel Earley

Home Education by Charlotte Mason

Week Five - Self Regulation, and Trauma Informed Care of Kids and Self

Week Six - Smooth and Easy Days Part 2

Edit to add:
Annie and I left Sunday’s class with more, “I wish I would have said it this way….,” thoughts then we had in previous weeks. However, we don’t want to re-open the screen time conversation next week or we will fill another whole class with this important topic. Instead we are sending a few thoughts and links here. 
We want to communicate clearly that;

  • We agree that this is more complex than, “technology is bad.”

    • This chapter from Hold On to Your Kids by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate helps nuance the conversation. We recognize and agree that this conversation is not as simple as technology being all good or all bad. We recognize that it is unrealistic to be technology free. 

  • We believe there are very compelling reasons to be very intentional about technology use and that it likely includes dramatically reducing screen time. 

  • We believe change is possible and worth it in our own lives and the lives of our kids. 

I resonate deeply with the statements around using our phones as a temporary coping mechanism when I am overwhelmed or anxious. Our kids (especially teenagers) are able to articulate that that is what they are doing, “I just need to veg out and watch Netflix.” What has changed (recently) for me is that I no longer believe that using my phone as a distraction from my stress or anxiety is a neutral coping mechanism. Here is what I am learning in my reading and with my therapist; Any real or perceived threat causes my amygdala (fight, flight or freeze) to fire. For me this is usually caused by some anxiety inducing thoughts about work. I then become anxious and at some point reach for my phone to distract me from these anxious thoughts by looking at social media or ESPN. This all seemed innocent enough to me. However, my therapist says that “distraction is a poison pill.” When I reach for my phone I am essentially communicating to my amygdala, “You are right. The threat is real.” This causes my amygdala to fire more therefore not being a neutral coping mechanism but instead it adds to my anxiety! So what does this mean for us as parents (not just me!)? I think it is worth working with our teenagers to develop healthier coping mechanisms. I believe teenagers are capable of understanding this and therefore we should talk with them about why it is worth staying in the battle and not just caving to unlimited technology use. I don’t think it means that our teenagers (or ourselves) should never just relax by watching a show, but rather that we should be aware and intentional. 

We are looking forward to next week when we will work shop together how we design plans for ‘habits’ or ‘rules’ in these areas;

-Jon and Annie

Week Seven - Rhythms of Health

Note: Unfortunately, our recording cuts off at the tail end of the discussion. Apologies for the abrupt conclusion!

Week Eight - Parenting Your Adolescent

Week Nine: Reflection and Conversations